You can imagine my joy when I opened my email this morning and discovered that in a few weeks I'll be receiving a check for several thousand dollars.
No, I wasn't awarded a large scholarship, no wealthy great-uncles died and willed me vast amounts of cash, my tax return did not "mysteriously" gain several dependents.
This money will be coming from Bill Gates himself. All I need to do is forward the email I received along to everyone in my address book and Bill Gates will write me a check for my time (if he does not, I've been assured, we can sue in a giant class-action suit).
I mean, GET THIS - For every person I send it to, I will receive $245. For everyone person that I send it to that sends it on, I will receive $243 and for everyone person they send it to, I will get $241.
I mean, it sounds too good to be true of course, but once I'd scrolled down past the (literally) thousands of email addresses, the email assured me that they "do not usually forward messages, but this is from my good friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is an attorney. If she says this will work - it will work . . . I am an attorney, And I know the law."
People, if Pearlas Sandborn says its true, well, who am I to question?
(Also, I'm not really clear as to why the person had to ask their friend Pearlas who is "really an attorney" when apparently they themselves are an attorney, but when huge sums of money are on the line, I don't ask time-wasting questions).
Let's see, I can send it to every person I work with, have worked with, have gotten spam from, have commented on my blog, is on the mailing lists I'm on at UT, every family member, every student I TAed for at BYU, and everyone at church.
Wow. I just did a little calculation and I'm going to be loaded. This is probably the best day of my life.
Please leave me your address in the comments so that we can all get in on this action!
Oh and also, you may not have heard, but Barack Obama was sworn into the Senate on the Quran. Tell everyone you know.
[Okay, really? I can't believe people are still forwarding these preposterous things. I sort of want to die when I realize that someone who I know well enough to give my actual legitimate email address to thinks these things are true! At school we talk all the dang time about people who think anything that is on the Internet is the gospel truth. But I didn't think I knew any of those people. Oh how wrong I was. And if you're interested, here is the Snopes page for the email I got.]