October 5, 2007

Follow Up Ranting

I posted this entry last week.
I tagged Jennifer, and she did it too (as she should have)
Jennifer added her own two questions, with the suggestion that perhaps I should answer those too.
And I shall.

And because it's Friday, nothing sounds better than a little crazed ranting. If you are not ready to deal with many many capital letters, you may want to hit that little red x in the top left corner (or in the top right corner for those of you using a non-Mac). You have been warned.

Five Ridiculous Things I Am Fanatical About:
1. Buying the cheapest grade of gas. I refuse to pay ten cents more a gallon for some "Premium" gas. I am a cheapskate.
2. Keeping little piles from forming in the house (especially on our bedroom vanity, the kitchen table, and the dryer). Ugh, hate!
3. Returning books and movies on time. Even if it's only a dime, I feel like an utter failure if my library and Blockbuster items are back late.
4. Drinking water with my food. I cannot eat without a glass of liquid. I'd rather not eat.
5. Freshly ground pepper. We got several pepper mills for our wedding. We kept one and I started buying whole pepper corns. And now I turn up my nose at pre-ground pepper. I've become a pepper snob.

Five Things I Have Always Wanted to Vent About: (watch out!)
1. It makes me crazy when you go to a store where you have to have someone unlock a dressing room for you and THERE IS NO ONE THERE TO DO IT! In one particular store, I have never once gone straight to the dressing room - I always have to go dig up a salesperson. And then the door locks behind me, when I go to get different sizes, and I have to go find the salesperson AGAIN! I have left my dressing room door wedged open and sometimes, when the dressing room is empty, I have just crawled under the door. This makes me very angry. If you don't want to have someone manning the dressing room, do not put locks on the doors. And do not tell me to only take 6 items in with me. I'm buying jeans, people, which means I will likely need to try on at least 20 pairs, and since you won't unlock a room for me without concerted effort on my part, I am going to consciously ignore that foolish rule and waltz in with as many dang items as I please. And I dare you to stop me.

2. More about gas. I HATE HATE HATE it when people park at the gas station in such a way that you cannot park at the other empty pump. I went to the gas station yesterday on my way to work and I could not get gas even though there were two empty slots. Because two separate lousy parkers had plopped their cars right in the middle of the two pumps. Let me repeat this: I was late to work because I had to wait for an already empty pump to become available. This is not a good way to start a Thursday morning - your blood pressure will skyrocket.

3. I am deeply anti-water bottle. Buy yourself a five dollar plastic water bottle at the grocery store and use it for years. STOP buying water bottles and throwing them away (currently 40 MILLION water bottles are thrown away EVERY SINGLE DAY). Also, tap water has higher standards than bottled water, so you aren't making this brilliant health decision. And it's horrible for the environment. Even without considering the land fill of discarded (and totally recyclable) bottles, it's just plain stupid to have water being shipped all over the world, especially into the U.S. And you're getting ripped off. You could buy one bottle of Evian Water for $1.35 and then refill it once a day for 10 years, 5 months, and 21 days in San Francisco with tap water before that tap water cost you $1.35. Just stop with the water bottles, people. I'm serious.

4. HOW do people still not have checking accounts. Like people with actual jobs?? Are you keeping your money under your mattress? Or are you spending it so fast that the bank is just a waste of time? Seriously, I do not understand this (I also do not understand people who don't do direct deposit - then there is no delay in waiting for your check, no rushing to get to the bank before it closes, etc. If your job offers direct deposit and you still get a paper check, I do not understand you).

5. So, it's October. Halloween is just a few weeks away. And this has brought a deeply important issue to the front of my mind: Kids who use a PILLOWCASE to go trick-or-treating. I am sorry, but this is simply wrong. You should be banned from trick-or-treating. A pillowcase is just rude. If my children ever take a pillowcase with them, you can bet I will take all of their candy away and grind it in the garbage disposal. Use a normal sized trick-or-treat container. You may empty it out if need be, but you will NOT take a pillowcase. I feel irrationally strongly about this (I also want to smack teenagers who go around trick-or-treating. After you are about 12, you are too old to trick-or-treat. You then become a greedy, repulsive, candy fanatic who should know better. Go to the freaking grocery store the week after Halloween and buy yourself some cheap candy of your choosing. Stop trying to elbow out all those adorable children (IN REAL COSTUMES!) with your "vagrant" costume to get a lousy piece of gum for free. You are a disgrace).


  1. Your ranting skills are unbelievable.

    Readership friends, Janssen really does fill our car up with the lowest quality gasoline, if you can believe it. I know, it's harsh on our Mazda. She actually volunteers to fill the car up every time to save the extra buck I'd spend. I don't actually mind, as I've recently come to despise filling the car with gas.

    I was once a pile former. Now I'm a dead man if I do so.

    J and I are the same about returning things on time. In fact, I stress about it more than her. It's always a huge relief to me when I turn in all my library books.

    I used to be a pillowcase trick-or-treater. I think the only reason Janssen forgave me was because I had a motorcycle. Or maybe because I didn't know anything different. I'm assuming she has forgiven me, which may not be a safe assumption.

  2. Amen on the pillow case issue! I grew up hearing my mom say the same things, which have now become my own opinion. The little plastic pumpkin will do just fine.

    As for library fines, I just consider it my charitable contribution to a good cause. It makes me feel better.

  3. Wait, you mean you are against filling landfills with water bottles, but you are not against keeping all those plastic trick-or-treat bags out? Or are you advocating we did out our Easter baskets for October 31st? Are you against pillowcases on the grounds that they are too big and thus represent greediness? What if a kid wants to sleep with all that precious loot under their head where siblings can't get to it?

  4. If I'm responsible for handing out candy to trick-or-treaters this year (or any year in the future) I will flat-out refuse to give candy to teenagers who are not dressed up. Putting on a football helmet does not count.

    And there will be no pillowcases for my kids.

    AND one year my parents took my brother and me home early from trick-or-treating. Why? Because we forgot to say "thank you" one too many times. We were obedient children every year after that. My parents were good parents. I will do that to my kids too.

    AND there was a rule that if the parents found a single candy wrapper anywhere besides the trash, all the candy was gone. They would throw it all away. This never actually happened because we were extra-super-careful to get all wrappers into the garbage.

  5. See I used a pillowcase, but I didn't do it in a malicious way, it wasn't because I expected to fill it up or anything. We didn't have plastic pumpkins, I never knew it was wrong. I feel a little like a doof. I won't let me kids though, don't worry!

  6. I don't think there's anything wrong with pillowcases. It's a tradition (not a statement of greed)

  7. lol, I had no clue about the water..I'm an offender.
    I have to go do more research on that.

  8. Good to know what drives you crazy. I'll be sure not to discuss these things with you. :) Though I agree that kids shouldn't use pillowcases--I'm sure it causes emotional damage to the pillowcases to be used like that.

  9. I drink way too much water to do the water bottle thing. I have 3 1 liter bottles I fill up every morning at home and cart to work with me (home water is filtered. Work water is not. Nasty). And I STILL usually end up drinking at least a few glasses of work water. I'd go broke if I were buying bottled water every time I got thirsty.

    Also, I was the same way about drinking at meals but the prego nausea made it so drinking and eating had to become 2 very separate activities if I wanted anything to stay down. It was really hard.

    I don't give candy to teenagers. Get a job and buy your own candy! Actually, I think I'll make a sign that says that this year and put it on my door!

    I used to use a pillow case because the plastic pumpkin handles cut into my hand and made me BLEED one year. A pillowcase just seemed..safer. I never came close to filling one.

    I totally laughed out loud at the visual of you crawling under the dressing room door, by the way.

  10. Love the rants! Funny thing is, I agree with practically all of them. What does that say...hmmm....
    especially the water bottle issue. UGH!

  11. Great post Janssen, I laughed a couple times! My dad used to make older trick or treaters dance for at least 15 seconds to earn a piece of candy.

  12. Huh, I didn't know my dad used to do that...wish I could'a seen it. I agree with all your rants too, and I have to say I've even snuck under the door of a dressing room a couple of times. :)


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